|
Home Articles Columns Products Poems Links Find A Date Newsletter Match Making Sites
For women
For men Dating Relationships Getting Ex Back Separation Parenting Sexuality Fitness Self Improvement
Dating-P.1
Dating-P.2 Dating-P.3 Relationships-P.1 Relationships-P.2 Loneliness Separation Parenting Sexuality Fitness Self Improvement Business and Finance Miscellaneous GirlsDo you have the enchanting personality that is irresistible to men? Take this quiz and find out.
Love Notes
by Larry James Direct Answers by Wayne & Tamara Mitchell Dr. Dennis W.Neder by Dr. Dennis W.Neder Ask The Coach by Toni Coleman |
Direct AnswersbyThe Way BackSome years ago I dated a woman from a different country who learned she was pregnant by another man. I stuck with her and raised the child as my son. When the boy was six, this woman decided she didn't want to be with me anymore and left for home, on the other side of the world. I tried keeping in contact with the boy and visited, though it costs quite a bit. I also pay maintenance and try to "do the right thing" by my son. The problem is I often feel I've been mugged and taken for a ride. My friends and family certainly think so! This leaves me feeling very, very angry. Compounding my anger is the fact that, while she has facilitated my visits to see my son, she shows no remorse or truly apologized for what she did to me and to him. Give me advice on how to get over this, get past the anger, and make a life for myself again. Stephen Stephen, psychologist Fritz Strack is famous for noticing an odd fact. People find cartoons funnier when they are holding a pen between their teeth than when they are holding a pen using only their lips. There's a simple explanation. The first method forces us to use our smiling muscles, while the second makes smiling impossible. In the same way, you are clinging to ideas which make it impossible to be happy with your life. It's as if you are paralyzed, standing on a road with three forks and you cannot decide which fork to take. The first fork is duty. It says you have an obligation to be a father to the boy. The second fork is fear. It says you cannot be the kind of man who deserts a child. And the third fork? It leads directly back to this woman. As a good-natured person, if you harmed another, you would do one of two things. You would repeatedly say you are sorry, or you would avoid the other person altogether. But self-centered people don't think that way. They think in terms of advantage to themselves. When good people stay connected to selfish people, they turn their feelings inward and feel bad about themselves. You did not take a father away from the boy; she did. And she did it twice, once with a birth father and once with a boyfriend father. You ask why you can't get over your anger, but your real question is, why isn't she sorry. You wonder where her sorry is, but she doesn't have a sorry. And she never will. There are two problems human beings have in seeing reality. The first is viewing the world in terms of their own needs, and the second is thinking other people think as they do. You have been paying maintenance for a son who isn't yours to a wife you didn't have. The boy is being raised around her and her family. He is not going to point a finger at them; he is going to turn out like them. You are not the father figure in his life. You are more like a great uncle who shows up every now and then. What you don't realize is there is a fourth path. It is the one which lies directly behind you. It leads back to the beginning. You were with a woman pregnant by another man. You did not have a faithful, caring woman in your life. She stands in the stead of the real life you should have had, and you still haven't broken up with her. Breaking ties is not taking your anger out on the boy. It is making sure this woman doesn't collect dividends on a stock she doesn't own. Remember what Fritz Strack discovered. Some things in life make it simply impossible to smile. Wayne & Tamara ©2005
Wayne & Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Visit their website at Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801-0964 Step Family Success
Are you remarried and in the midst of attempting to create a strong marriage as well as combining your 2 families? Is that process not going as smoothly as you expected? You've been through the pain of divorce once, why risk going through it again? You don't have to! Step families and remarriages are completely different from first marriages. Most people assume they're the same and go about creating them with that idea. This error accounts for the divorce rate for remarriages with children being around 75%. Be a Remarriage Success!
|
Get 5 Free Ebooks with my Newsletter 
2: The Message Of A Master Sorry no AOL email addresses Red Fields Are Required The Very Best Ways To Meet OthersGet the inside scoop on how and where to meet attractive, interesting single men and women. If you are sick of night clubs and bars, these A Better Way To Date will be a real eye-opener. How To Get Your Ex Back!Find out how you can turn the tables on your break up and have your ex start chasing after you and begging for your return! Everyone has the power and ability to end their own heartbreak. |
