The Art of Forgiveness

The Singles Cafe

	The Art of Forgiveness by Recovering from any kind of betrayal is never easy. When it comes to forgiving her husband for his affair, iVillager Julie wonders: "Am I letting him get off too easy? Should I be making him suffer more? I'm very torn about where mercy and being a doormat differ." And she's certainly not alone. No matter what the issue once was, forgiveness is always a difficult -- but real -- part of relationships. And knowing where to start is often the hardest part. Many people think that they must just let go of the past to move on. Along with causing grief and trepidation, that approach limits personal growth. Plus, memories and traces of the past are always with us -- for some as wounds, for others as treasures. But, when we try to block out the past from our lives, it resurfaces at the oddest times: Old patterns return as unfinished lessons yet to be learned. Rather than hate a period of our life, the person we "used to be" or people we've met along the way, learn to find the way each experience helped us become strong. When we take this approach our entire life opens up and we begin to build bridges naturally. Then, each person we meet -- whether we like them or not -- becomes another bridge, a new way to deepen the love and understanding we become capable of. The most important bridges are the ones that allow us to forgive another, to make peace with the pain we've suffered, and to allow resentment and judgment to subside. How can we forgive? Find a new way to understand what happened and take responsibility for our part. Understand that each person gave us what they could at that time. Recognize that our expectations and demands of them are what cause our present pain. Give up judging, rejecting or criticizing others: Stop labeling people as good or bad. Take a critical look our own expectations and realize that we can never hope to have them all met by one person or another. When our own loving hearts are fully developed, we can fulfill our own expectations and whatever else we are yearning for. Only after we've forgiven are we free to let new people and experiences into our world. Only then are we free to truly live in the present. Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist and psychoanalyst, is the relationship expert on www.ivillage.com, and a Barnes and Noble University Online Professor. She is a top-selling author of many books, including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World) and others. She has conducted over 500 workshops and talks regionally and nationally, which have been widely acclaimed. Check out her ebooks Save Your Relationship Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship Why Men Leave Ideal for both men and women who wish to learn the deeper secrets behind creating a life of passionate and loving relationships. Living By Zen Discover the myths about stress that lead you astray, the things that steal your peace of mind, and how to turn them around. ©2008 Show All Articles By Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. Back To Article Index Why Men Leave "Why Men Leave" is a revealing, intimate ebook program which is the result of years of psychological study and field research with a singular point -- to understand male psychology with regards to relationships, and derive from men themselves the fears they face, and hopes they have in a relationship. The result? Important discoveries - both startling, enlightening and scientifically grounded - as to why men decided to end their relationships, and what could have made it easier for them stay and find a meaningful resolution. Drawing on hundreds of interviews with the men, and extensive expert research, along with insights from today's top psychologists, "Why Men Leave" gives, for the first time, a full picture of what men need to be happy, find to be challenging, or finally unbearable in their relationships. And because it is from the man's perspective, new and unique insights and solutions are proven to become apparent for both woman and for men. Within this program, newly discovered facts, extensive research results, and expert "user friendly" step by step guidance empowers a person to discover new self awareness as to what has been really going wrong in their relationship. Armed with this new information and techniques, it becomes easier for a person to heal a troubled relationship, or to move on and establish a new way of life filled with joyous relationships. For those currently not engaged in a relationship, but have found themselves in repeated patterns of distressing relationships, it becomes possible to find out why these patterns have taken place in the past, and to establish new and healthy patterns for the future. "Why Men Leave" is an accumulation of extensive study and professional psychological expertise. In it, men reveal their most intimate secrets and feeling about relationships - ideas men commonly find too difficult to discuss. Ultimately, this information has lead to exceptionally rare revelations about male psychology and emotions, and provides a one-of-a-kind, step by step program for men and woman to mend painful wounds, and achieve joyous and deeply gratifying relationships.
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